Nightlina

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 02:36:26 GMT

Wow this has been a while O_O

*blows off the dust*

Maybe I'll try and remember to post things this time 'round..........

A future...

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 11:00:19 GMT

I have a headache, I accidentally missed soccer today, Pony Club was cancelled due to this "Equine Flu", which has caused massive inconvenience to everyone in the horse industry, and I'm tired.

But, I just wanted to post a comment about my future.

Currently, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to be doing with the rest of my life. I'm in the last year of my course, and really thinking it's about time I became independent. I've been arguing with my Dad a fair bit, too, which doesn't help. Mainly, though, I just want money. I'm totally fed up with being dependent on everyone around me. Actually, I hate it. Every time anyone offers to pay for me, or I have to ask my parents for money, I immediately feel depressed and worried, because that's one more debt I owe and one more link in these chains.

But I'm being negative. I have a headache. You understand :P

So, as to my future, I've spoken to Madman. I'm finishing up my industry project with them now - check out www.leapfrog.com.au - and will continue on as a work experience student for one day every week or two weeks, but I've made it clear that once I finish school I'll be looking for fulltime work. Hopefully, they'll offer me something ^^

Otherwise, I've been offered a short stint doing some magazine/book layout work which I'm going to take up. Hopefully that will bring me some offers as well.

I'm still considering going back to school next year and completing a bachelor in Multimedia or Design, however as much as I love learning, I really need some money in the bank. All the savings I'd managed to build up have gone into this course, and I'm really feeling it now. I want to go travelling, I want to SEE things, but at the moment I feel guilty buying a bottle of shampoo... Spending money on a trip would be totally selfish of me.

Other things I have to consider are that I'll need to get a new car pretty soon - Chip's on its last legs - and then I'll have to pay up all the insurance and everything. Also as soon as I start getting some money coming in I really will need to start putting something towards paying for Hilee's keep, and even paying board for myself. I've been working another horse and taking up every job offered to me in the hope that it might make me feel a little better about myself... But without much success.

One of the main things, though, is that I've almost come to despise people who spend money easily. In class the teacher talked about everyone putting $50 towards our end of year exhibition. When I pointed out that that would be impossible for me, one of the guys said something about saving $2 a week until the end of the year...

I nearly cried. I don't have ANY income. I don't have $2 to put aside. I don't have 20c to put aside. None of my money is my own. If I do an odd job and get money for it, I use that to buy petrol for my car so that I don't have to ask my parents for money. If I find $1 lying on the ground, I'll either try to find its owner or spend it on a train ticket.

I spend nothing on myself. I spend nothing on other people. Everything just goes towards my survival - my transport. So when people offer to pay for me to do something "fun" or to give me something... I almost hate them for it. If they have money to spare they can put it towards my car. Or my phone bill. Or my course fees. Or maybe even that bottle of shampoo.

Because none of my money will ever be mine to spend. Not until all my debts are paid, and I can call myself truly independent.

heh.. this wasn't meant to be long and dramatic. I just wanted to talk about the job offers. But I've had all these money things going round and round in my head so much lately that I just about want to scream.

And don't pity me. I don't want sad looks and offers of more money I'll never be able to pay back. I just want some freedom. I'm determined to find that one day.

I think something was punishing me for leaving things to the last minute...

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:19:01 GMT

So.. where do I begin?

Well.. Last Thursday, or there abouts, I decided to finally get stuck into the assignment that was due today. Typically I've had a few months to work on it but decided to leave it to the last minute... So yeah, the last week has been a total stress for me trying to finish everything.

It doesn't help though, that the following decided to occur exactly during that week:

1) I flattened my car battery, ringing mum to help me and getting her to wait for me at the carpark
2) My phone crashes, meaning I miss my mum's calls to say she's waiting at the car for me
3) On running to the car after discovering my phone died my bag manages to tear completely in half, spilling everything (And I had a LOT of crap in my bag) onto the platform just as evertone's getting off the train
4) Mum had lost patience and left my car, meaning that it was still flat and there was no way she was going to come back to help me
5) I had to flag down a random stranger... He and his family were nice enough to jumpstart Chip, after some sorta-scary sparking moments and me nearly bursting into tears x____x
6) I get home to learn that my computer really is dead and the only option is to reinstall everything

...

On top of this I also had adult riding club sat morning, setup for a pony club comp that afternoon and then the actual comp the day after where I was riding two horses and feeling totally stressed out because I didn't have enough time to do justice to either of them. Consequently I got pretty crappy scores and wasn't very happy with myself.

So then comes Monday. Finally, some free time to sit down and do my project.... Except that I have to reinstall all teh applications for my comp first.. which means finding all of the installers.. x___x

Somewhere in the middle of trying to do all that, around midday, I get a phone call from a guy saying he has a delivery on the back of his truck for my dad, and is waiting by the front gate. Me being sorta stressed out I just tell him to bring his truck up to the house and deliver it. Next thing I see is this HUUUUUUGE truck coming up our driveway. Running outside in an attempt to tell him where to park so that he might, possibly, have a hope of turning around, he helpfully goes and parks himself in a nice pile of mud. And gets stuck.

So now I have a computer in need of getting all its software reinstalled; a MAJOR project due in a few days; and a massive truck stuck in the garden.

Great. Perfect. Can I just go and shoot someone, please pretty please?

Anyway, I went outside and entertained myself for the next few hours with trying to help get this guys truck out, eventually just sitting and enjoying a nice long uncomfortable silence with him while we waited for my mum or his friend or ANYONE to come along and try help....

In the end he didn't get the truck out until after 7 that night - they had to bring in another big truck to pull him out.

So yeah, Monday wasted and I was left with Tuesday and Wednesday to finish the assignment.

Somehow, I succeeded, and handed it in today. I've had some nice late nights and am reeeally looking forwards to falling asleep before 12 tonight.

Anyway, I'll chuck a piccie down the bottom of my bottle...

s p i r a l

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 12:50:09 GMT

click the dot :)

weddings and assignments and holidays.. and yeah.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 05:01:33 GMT

I've been pretty slack recently. I'm on holidays and, as usual, I set myself all these goals for things I wanted to learn and do (these holidays it was php & actionscript)... And, as usual (again) I've done a large amount of nothing. I started setting up apache, mysql and php on my comp but sort of didn't finish it. And because I was only mucking about when I was installing everything I can't really remember what stage of the process I was up to or what I was meant to do. Woo. My fault for thinking I could do something without going to the effort of studying and making sure I understood it in the first place :P

So what have I been doing... Well, I had my Grandparents and Auntie around last week for my cousin's wedding. I really don't like old people. Please, if I start to grow old and wrinkly and need to go to the toilet about a hundred times a day then would someone be kind enough to put me out of my misery? My bedroom's right beside the toilet, and usually I'm the only one who uses it, so constantly waking up in the night when they use it.. and later discovering puddles on the floor from when someone must have "missed" ... let's just say it doesn't make me happy :P I also lost my bathroom to them as well, which I hated. I haven't had to share in ages and it drove me up the wall how they would leave the wet shower mat in a mess on the floor. I hang it up on the shower... Is that really so hard to do? And they'd leave the light and fan on.... x_____x

Aren't I spoilt? :P

Anyway, the wedding itself was pretty good. Lots of in jokes and twists on the usual traditions. My cousin and her family are great - her mum, my Aunt Heather, is fun and heaps cooler than my mum :P - so the wedding was really nice and relaxed. I wore the pretty dress in my avvy and experiemented with makeup and my hair... Not too successfully, tho :P I'll never be a real girly girl :(

Since then my dad's been pushing me to edit and burn his camera footage, so that's slowly happening. I've learnt that you should never watch a video of yourself dancing... It totally kills whatever self confidence and pride you may have had. It's funny watching other people, tho... My sister's fiance did this funny John Travolta take off and my Uncle was pretty entertaining.

I didn't catch the bouquet, tho... so I guess I won't be finding anyone worth marrying (or even dating) anytime soon :P Actually, my other cousin (sister to the one who was married ... if you're still following me :P) caught it, which was really nice :) She got to do a dance with the guy who snagged Eryn's garter belt and wrapped it 'round his head. :D

Hummm.. As for other things... Madman's going great. Really great, actually. Technically I've been there a bit over a week now (all my one-days adding up together) even though I started there almost two months ago, so that's pretty funny. I think I've done a LOT more work than anyone else would in a week, though. However it helps that I get a fair break between days and am able to wind down and really focus when I get there. I'm getting invited to things now, too, which is fun :) They're having a HUGE Harry Potter screening (they've bought over a hundred seats) which one of the guys in my team is re-selling to raise funds for a short film he's making, so that's pretty cool. Plus they've asked me if I want to come in on fridays, since that's generally the "finish early, have alcohol and play games" day :P Unfortunately I think my new timetable means that I don't have friday's off anymore, but it's nice of them to invite me :)

I'm really glad I got the job there and had the courage to ask for work experience. It's one of the few things I've done that I'm actually, honestly, proud about. silly, huh?

Another great thing about working there (I can go on and on...) is that my boss is a bookworm :) so we've started a book swapping thing :D Probably not a good thing for me to get back into reading again, since I get addicted waaaay too easily, however he does have some good titles and it is nice to have "book" conversations again. I've missed them, Lia ^^

I've had a few things bothering me, recently.. I need to work out what to do for my final, MAJOR assignment within the next week. I'm currently thinking an interactive storybook would probably be best, since it would let me be as broad as I like, however, typically, now I'm stuck on what story to use. I'm tempted to just write something and go with that, however I worry that my writing won't be good enough, or I'll be too tempted to constantly change things... Maybe it's just that the word "MAJOR" is sorta intimidating, but this is really starting to stress me out.

Along with that I've got to work out an "industry" project to do... which can really be anything, so long as I have a real client and am going to have real feedback from someone professional. Honestly I'm not even thinking about that at the moment, though I guess I'll have to soon. I was sort of hoping that my hours of work experience with madman could replace the whole project.... but I doubt my teachers will accept that, especially since I organised the work experience for myself with no original intention of using it for credits.

Hrummmmm... Too much to think about. I'm a simple creature, give me a warm day, a friendly horse, a decent lunch.. and I'll be happy. You can substitute "friendly horse" for "music" or "novel" or "movie"... and "day" could also be "fire" .... I like fire :) And yeah, any longer and this will ramble into a total, waffling mess... So I suppose I'd better end it there :P

shleeeepy..

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 11:51:39 GMT

I haven't updated in aaages... hmm.. where to start?

well, I'm sleepy.. so I guess I'll make this short :P

Hilee and I have been to a few comps recently.. she seems to be getting over her issues.. maybe. We did no worse than firsts and seconds.. so I guess that's good :)

I have photos of us.. if I can be bothered uploading them I'll share :P

Hm. School's getting pretty crazy. I'm sorta sick of it and ready for the holidays.. but before that time can come I've got about three assignments I've really got to sit down and _do_ .. but .. argh.. no energy :P

I've been conned into playing soccer again.. although after tonight I'm not sure if I'll be able to for a while :P I did something weird to my thigh.. it sorta went *pop* .. then the next time I tried to kick the ball I yelled "FUCK!" reaaaally loud.. x_____x not supposed to swear at soccer.. and I wouldn't normally anyway :P What made it even worse was that there was a guy right next to me, and he was so apologetic! He thought he must have hurt me.. aww.. hehe, I did ecplain to him, though, that it was just me and my stupid clumsiness :P

Anyway, now my leg hurts.. though it's feeling better now.. but I really don't want to injure it again :P

Humm.. Madman is going well :) I've got this Monday off because of a public holiday, but otherwise I've been going there for a month now. I can't see them telling me to stop anytime soon, either, which is good :) Although that could just be due to the fact that I wouldn't let them say anything of the sort :P Either way my boss is being really nice and even letting me go across and try things in different apartments (currently I'm working as a "production designer" for the bed development team) which is nice of him since in the interview I was going on and on about how web is my passion and my life and.. blah blah.. and now I'm turning around and wanting to do heaps of non-web related things :P

It's all pretty fun, though. Everyone in the room where I work is really nice to me, and even include me in their conversations and all that... It's really hard to be talkative - everyone seems so busy, and I don't want to interrupt.. so it's nice when they start a conversation and then bring me into it :)

Lunch times are fun.. I've been waiting to have a lonely lunch with no one to talk to.. but that hasn't happened yet :D I'm meeting people from other departments and talking to them, so it all works out pretty easy. Hardest thing is remembering peoples names... when you only meet a person once a week (or less!) it can be reeeeally hard :(

Anyway, I guess that's enough of an update from me.... Anyone going to Age's bday, give me a lift, k? Mum doesn't want me driving that far at night.. so that's a good enough excuse for me :D ..hehe, it's so funny.. I really am babied so much more than anyone else in my family.. mum isn't happy if I use the trains at night, or drive to far away places... makes me feel loved ^^ My sisters and brother didn't have any of that sort of care :P

wheee................ *runs away to sleep*

OMG! FREAKING OUT^100

Fri, 11 May 2007 07:01:13 GMT

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

okay! So my person at Madman got back to me to say that he needed to reschedule due to friday meetings... so I got a little sad thinking he was putting me off or something... and now he's come back to me saying I can start on Monday. ie THIS MONDAY. Also known as TWO DAYS AWAY!!!

yeah, I'm totally freaking out. Lol...

However I'm starting to get beyond the freaking out to find my inner calm.. I think.. And I just want to start and get it happening. I really am excited. This whole year I've just felt so much more confident of my abilities, and I'm thinking I really want to get out and show people what I can do.

So yeah! Excited! Woo! and freaking out.. lol

pics and stuffs and .. yeah :)

Sat, 05 May 2007 08:54:59 GMT

weeeeell.. I start at Madman on FRIDAY THE 18TH OF MAY... that's in.. two weeks. I think.

OMG I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh..heh... ... . . heh.

x___________x

well.. I guess I've gotta get over my nerves eventually.. but.. damn, I was totally freaking out for the interview... I was ready to stop and run in the opposite direction. Hell, I came out in a RASH!

and now I'm actually going to have to go in there and PROVE these skills I've apparently got... OMG I'm going to totally screw up everything, I just know it. The guy who's taking me on (and also interviewed me) Tom - he's really nice... but i'm still freaking out. haha.

AAAAnyway. I thought I'd chuck up the piccies from my B'day party, since the majority of you missed it :P Adam's cam took a nice pic of the icecream cake and I took a photo a few days later of the back of my car (with the rude finger I artistically rearranged into a birthday cake :P) and Phoenix, who seems to live with the hope that I'll eventually run her over.

Stimpy looking like he's gonna go evil and stab me.. I'm really thinking I need to photoshop a knife into his hand.

We melted the cake! it was awesome

Phoenix lives under my car... in this instance she was slightly out from it so I was able to get a half-decent photo

Heh.. this doesn't need an explanation :P

It's Raining for my Birthday :D

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 07:42:21 GMT

I've decided I love the rain :) It makes it all cold and grey outside but you can snuggle up on the couch with a warm blanket and have a lovely time inside. Plus it also means the grass grows for my horsies, which is always a good thing :P

So. I'm 20. Wow. Haha.. I haven't felt my age for years, and I certainly don't feel 20.... 20 year olds are meant to be mature, sophisticated, employed(!) and with a long list of achievements o their name... I don't think that's me at all. I do feel older, though... I think back to myself when I was in highschool, or even first year TAFE, and think "God, I was so young and childish!" .. though more than likely i'll be doing the same thing in a few years and looking back at myself now :P Maybe it'll happen for the rest of my life...

Anyway, in other news.. I had a party last night at Adam's :) Age was there for a little bit, but then went to sleep and Stimpy arrived late due to work.. but in the end that was a good thing because otherwise we wouldn't have all fit in the one car to go out on a cake & movie hunt :) We found an icecream cake and lots of fun things to decorate it with as well as The Guardian and Gremlins 2. The Guardian was okay.. though I would have preferred a comedy :P And Gremlins 2 was obviously fantastic :D I managed to stay awake for everything and had lots of fun. :)

So yeah, I'd say the party was a success :D Tanya! You should've dropped in... we didn't leave until 3am.. lol I now have a book called "My GoldFish Wish" or something, which is all about "keeping my friend wet" and "how I'd love him so".. lol... total randomness :D and two candles, a "9" and a "2" because Adam picked them out at random :P I suppose they'll come in handy next time someone turns 29 .. or 92.

The other thing that happened today is that finally an order was placed for the dress I'll be wearing when I'm Liz's bridesmaid in September... So that was exciting :) It's a nice dress and a pretty colour.. though very much "evening wear" and I'm not really sure when I'd ever wear it again..... but oh well :P I took a piccie of it while I was in the changing room :D

bored..

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:49:06 GMT

I'm rarely bored.. but today I am. I guess it's because I can think of lots of stuff I'd like to be doing right now, but I know that in a bit I'll have to get Hilee and go stand for the farrier, so I can't really start anything..

School starts up again today.. woo :P It'll be nice to be back, but I really don't like this evening's class that much. It just seems so disorganised - I'm never sure what I should be doing. Hopefully this term it'll all start falling into place.

Hrumm.. Other news.. I've got a guy trying to pick me up at the moment. It's sorta fun - he sends me lots of text messages :P But I don't think anything will come of it. I really did rush into things with my ex - considering that I started the relationship because he was attracted to me, rather than it being mutual. I was just in shock that anyone would actually LIKE me.. lol. Anyway, I'm more prepared this time and am enjoying the flirting without feeling like I need to take it any further.

Anyway, all is fun in the life of Pauline :P

thinking... sleepy...

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 12:33:48 GMT

hmmm.. I'm sorta blank at the moment. I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. This could be due to the fact that it's bedtime and all that..... but I dunno. I guess I'm just feeling a little stuck.

Which is stupid, really, because I think (finally!) that things are starting to move for me again. Madman got back to me (pretty much the day after I decided to give up on them - typical :P) and although I didn't get the web design job - which I sorta expected since they were wanting someone fulltime and I'm not really available - I have been offered work experience, which (aside from the whole "money" thing) is just as good.

Basically it seems that I'm going to be working with the web development team, putting together graphics for them and designing their newsletter... but mostly learning how their team operates. I don't think I'll get paid :P but the guy did mention "freebies" .. so woo for anime.... lol

Anyway, that's pretty exciting. I've emailed the guy back asking when I can start :D but I'll need to sort out contracts and stuff like that with the tafe, so I can't really organise anything properly until I'm back at school.... which'll be tuesday/wednesday next week.

So yeah, exciting news from me!

Otherwise... I dunno.. I guess I'm still grey. lol. Someone can just.. wipe my mind clear.. okay? Clean off the slate and I'll start again.

Forkful Joy :D

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 01:01:32 GMT

Been at a conference the past few days... gaa.. first day was awesome, second day was iffy and the third day wqas just sooooo boring. It was a design conference (AGIdeas) that I've been going to for the past three years now (I'm a third year.. O__O) and I think this was probably the worst year so far. They had 30 speakers over the three days, which means you're sitting in a dark, stuffy hall for three full days hearing 30 people drone on and on and on.... And, of course, the most boring people get to speak for over an hour while those that you really, really want to see are restricted to 20 minutes..

x________x

So yeah, I was a good girl and listened to everyone, however by the last day I'll be honest and say that my concentration was waning.. I ended up drawing a guy with a heart in his foot :P

Anyway, one good thing about the conference is that somehow it slways manages to inspire me. So I've stolen my computer back and am now having fun being creative with 3D forks :P I actually haven't played at all with Lightwave (my 3D program) this year, but am having so much fun in it now... Everything seems to be coming really easily to me :)

Humm.. so that's pretty much it for now. If I get bored of forks I'll make an easter card for you all :) ...hmm.. maybe I could make one featuring forks.... :D

Check out the Shit I do at School...

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:21:32 GMT

Yo check it :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLX-c97h16M

Haven't been on here for a while.. And don't really feel like posting much at the moment :P Had a job interview last week with Madman for a Web Design position. I was nervous and stressed and excited and crazy and covered in a nervous rash.. (yes, I guess I get that.... I don't think I'd ever really been nervous enough to notice it, though :P) But the guy interviewing me seemed just as nervous and unsure as I was, which settled me down a bit.

So yeah, the interview went really well. I made myself sound fantastic and reckon I would've gotten the job... If I wasn't a student. Unfortunately they're looking for someone who can work fulltime, though the guy did say he'd consider me for work experience. On the up side, however, this has made me feel much more confident about my work and it seems that if I apply again once I finish my course I'll have a pretty good chance of getting a position.

So whoo for that.

Mum's been busy kidnapping my computer recently to do video editing. Which totally sucks. The only times I can get it back are when I demand it for my homework purposes... Which means that if she sees me doing anything on there which she determines as being "not homework related" I get kicked off and in shit trouble.

Which sucks. Huuugely.

However I guess it means that I'm starting to really economise my time better. I managed to do a pretty big project (the video thing above) on Monday so Mum could have the computer on Tues, even though the project wasn't due until Thursday. Shock horror there.. Even I can't believe it hasn't been left to the last minute. It feels nice, though, not leaving things... Though everytime I look at it now I want to redo the bloody thing, and seem to think I'd have enough time to tonight :P

I won't, though.

Hrmmmm.. What else.. Not much to say. I've been feeling a little down at school recently. One of the guys had a party and pretty much invited everyone from our group but me. I don't really care much except that everyone got all awkward when I asked about it and acted as though they were trying to hide it. ugh annoying :P Seriously guys - be straight with me, it's easier to deal with. Aside from that school's alright. I'm getting better at everything and I feel like I'm putting out much more professional work this year :)

I got tied up today :D

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 12:12:18 GMT

hehe.. I was redoing my firstaid course today so of course I volunteered to be the dummy that got wrapped up in bandages :P and totally imobilised, as it worked out :P It was a great course and the instructor (Heather, an ex-nurse) was brilliant. She clearly knew her stuff and was able to explain the reason behind why we do everything, which means I'll actually have half a hope of remembering it for once :P Yeah, so now if you all decide to go and do something stupid and nearly kill yourselves I'll be able to help you :) (err.. help you to not kill yourself, that is) Or at least try to prevent it.. if I end up killing you then you'd be no better than if I'd done nothing at all :P

Actually, that was probably the main point of the instructor today. That you might as well try. It's actually made me feel a lot better about stepping in and doing something if I saw someone in trouble. I've always had this fear in the back of my mind that I'd somehow make the situation worse... But things can't really get a whole lot worse than dead, which is how they'd be if I didn't step in. So yeah.. I'm happy now :) I'm also happy that they've changed the course a bit from when I did it four or so years ago... Back then CPR and everything else really confused me - I could never remember how many times I was meant to press and when I was meant to breath.. Whereas now they've changed all that to basically just set a simple standard of 2breaths for 30compressions. No matter how old or who they are, that's what you do. :)

It's nice knowing I can save someone's life :) And, at the moment, I feel comfortable enough to do it, too... Though I'm sure that in a few weeks'(or maybe just a few days' :P) time I'll feel nervous and worried again. Oh well. I'm positive and happy at the moment, so I'll just enjoy that while I have it. The lady today really was lovely - I think she must've been a great nurse. A really bright personality.

Heh.. Sometimes you get a little grey with all the clouds around and so many negative things eating at you. It's so nice to see some sunlight - it makes everything clearer and pushes it all back into perspective.

I think the other reason why I really liked today was that I was getting to use my brain again and study biology, something that still really interests me. I enjoy multimedia and can maybe even see a future for myself in it... But in a weird corner of my mind I realise that I'm so much more suited to something ruled and regulated. Design is almost entirely unstructured, and I find it difficult to come up with good work on demand. Whereas I know I can always answer questions about biology. I can always sit down and study maths and physics. I don't need to be "in the mood" to do that sort of thing - it just comes to me easily.

But then again, maybe I'm just looking for excuses to step off this path I've chosen for myself. I guess I'll never really know. I'm going to apply for some multimedia jobs with Madman, though, so hopefully if I start working there then I'll get a better idea as to whether I want to make this my career or not.

It's scary taking that step, though.

schooool

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:50:57 GMT

back at school now... Class is pretty fun :) I'm there only three days of the week, so it's pretty easy. The students are all nice and fun - even the ones that I thought were going to be quiet and sulky have opened up and gotten nice and talkative. Everyone gets along and class discussions are stacks of fun :)

We're doing a group project and I'm with Harry and Laura - two new-ish peoples - but they're stacks of fun. Amazingly enough, they're pretty organised and keen, Laura is extra efficent.. For once I'm not having to be project coordinator, which is pretty amazing :D However it means that I'll be in charge of programming instead... which .. yeah.. looks like it's time for me to learn how to program :P

But anyway, otherwise everything's fun. Except for the fact that we have no airconditioner in our room. So it's hot. And sweaty. And ugh.... :P

oh well... I'll survive :P

HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINES!! (07 edition)

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 08:13:15 GMT

I LIKE YOUR PANTS AROUND YOUR FEET!

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:01:20 GMT

I like the dirt that's on your knees
and I like the way you still say please
while you're looking up at me
you're like my favourite damn disease

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out.

By the way, Bam made a post just to "clarify" that i'm dumped. Apparently I liked him more than he liked me. Probably true, but damn. Guess next time I just won't believe a guy when he tells me he'd "never felt this way before". Woo for trust and all that shit.

..Oh, he used a song to describe his feelings... I luv Nickelback so the above must be how I'm feeling right now :D

(heh, I'm sure I'll delete this post within 24 hours or something.. lol)

still no job.. but eh :P

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 03:17:03 GMT

whee.. i have no job.. but I do have a sunburn :P currently I'm trying to get myself enthusiastic about revising for the start of the new school year.. I guess I should probably do that before it starts.. especially since I haven't done much "multimedia-ish" stuff since last year.. but oh well, I bet I'm the only person in the class even thinking about that sort of thing.. .Though Liam could be too, I guess.. Yay for being nerds.. lol

I'm excited about going back to school. Nerdy, huh? But I like school a lot.. I feel like I can really succeed there and it's nice to be around people interested in art and design, rather than just horses day in and out :P Not that I don't love Hilee - it's just that you can OD pretty easily if you don't have other stuff to occupy your brain.

I went to the beach on Monday in an attempt at brain clearage and had a pretty good time :) Came back with a pretty good sunburn, too x___x I now have some lovely new tan lines to cover up all the old ones. It was good to think about something else for a day, though, and we got attacked by jellyfish which was fun and scary :D I wanted to touch them (and stimpy accidentally did) but was told that I shouldn't due to the whole "they're poisonous" thing :P Still I did get to bury one when about a hundred of them beached themselves along the waterline. I wanted to take a photo.. but they were sort of festy looking and I didn't want sand to get into my camera. Oh I also had the "pleasant" experience of having those funny clear poo-looking jelly fish in my bikini (top AND bottom) and in my hat. Thanks guys. =____=

Oh! And I flew!! hehe.. just as we were packing up to leave the wind really picked up. So me being my intelligent self I devised an incredible contraption (ie a towel in my hands) that worked like a parachute to lift me from the ground. lol.. actually, it really did work :D I went flying backwards a few times and did a good job of swearing just as some grandparents and their grandchildren walked around the corner..

oops :P

But whee.. yay for beachiness. Since then the weather's gone all grey and cold, so I'm glad I went when I did :) and now I need to go and ride Hilee.. we're learning haunch turns, which are sorta cool :D

Got my Timetable -- woo :D

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 03:18:36 GMT

well.. now I have no excuses for not going out and finding work... which is sorta bad, because I like excuses and being able to procrastinate.. :P However I know that I need money - everytime I ask mum for money to buy petrol and train tickets I feel awful.. and everytime I go out with friends and they offer to pay for me or something I feel even worse. I love that people are so willing to help me, but I think I should help myself and get out of my little shell once and for all.

Plus I'd love to be able to spend money on nice clothes.. :P

Anyways, so my timetable is the following:

	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI
9-12:30	FREE	FREE	Web Design	FREE	FREE
1-5:00	FREE	FREE	Business	Proposal Writing	FREE
6-9:00	FREE	Interactive Design	FREE	Screen Design	FREE

I have lots of frees... I like them :D However it'll probably work out that I'll be working during my frees.. so monday, tuesday and friday.. then doing homework, horsey stuffs and soccer on the weekends.. and if I keep up with calisthenics then that'll be on the Wed night..

Busy, huh? But good.. I should keep myself occupied :P

still on holidays.. woo.. hm

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 09:24:52 GMT

well.. I was all set to go back to school tomorrow.. but now I've just found out that actually we aren't due back for another two weeks.. not until February the 12th.. or 13th for me, since I get Mondays and Fridays off.. And it's a nightclass on Tuesday, so it's sort of like I get Tuesday-day off as well... Woo for a five day weekend.. :P

But now I feel all let down.. I dunno.. I was all set to go back to school and actually pretty excited about it. I don't feel like doing nothing for the next two weeks, especially now that Bethea's gone back to America, and everyone will be back at work... So I guess I'll just have to find a job after all :P

Anyways, I just got back from SurfMoot. It was pretty fun.. A little frustrating because I wanted to get out and be sociable whereas the friend that I had gone with had decided she hated some person and refused to be sociable due to the fact that there was a chance of meeting up with her.. Arrgh.. Can't people just grow up and get over it? I'm getting so sick of these stupid, childish attitudes.. Because of that, my weekend wasn't anywhere near as good as I'd been hoping.. And I got the impression that she'd just invited me to be a replacement for this EX-friend..

Ugh.

Oh well.. I was a little bit of a bitch :P When my friend cracked it and walked off because Casey (the EX-friend) talked to her I stayed where I was and kept dancing and screaming at the band.. Woo (my throat hurts now :P) And I flirted lots with guys, as well... hehee.. It was fun, because all of them had been made to promise that they wouldn't try and pick me up.. so I was able to be as dirty and flirty as I liked without worrying that they were going to do anything back to me.... The one guy that hadn't been made to promise (Tom.. haha. poor Tom) danced and flirted with me a little... And was then forced to leave me alone :P It's a shame, 'cos he was sorta cute... (As was another guy outside the group that was trying to pick me up.. subtley.. hehe) But I'm glad that everyone was enforcing my Good Girl policy and making sure that I didn't sleep with anyone.. Or even kiss anyone.. Because it's safer that way :P .. Actually.. I lie... I kissed one guy on the nose.. And another on the cheek .. hehe

Very, very naughty...

lol

but anyways, the camp was pretty good.. we went to the beach on one day and I had lots of fun playing in the waves.. even if my eyes did sting terribly from the water aaand my bathers kept getting dragged off my arse. x___x I think it's time for some new ones :P We also went out to a pub (The Anglesea one because _she_ was going to be at Torquay :P) and I had a scrumptious Vegetarian Lasagne .. mmmmmm and icecream too.. yumyumyumm

haha.. I love food.

Umm.. what else is there to say? hmm.. since I've got two extra weeks of holidays, I guess we should all do stuff :P Annoy me if you're bored.. hopefully I'll be bored too... Although I will be going job hunting again soon.. possibly tomorrow when I *should* get my new timetable..

hmmm :)

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 12:04:43 GMT

i'm happy again.. I seem to have been happy a bit recently.. maybe I'll have to blame something else for my prior moodiness :P Hmm.. where to begin?

Well, my horsie week was BUSY but I came home with a few ribbons and some more memories.. so I guess it was all good. I thought I'd won at something only to find out that actually they'd mucked up the scoring and given me twenty extra points by mistake.. sucks, huh? But it was nice to win for a littlew while... And I did still get a placing, which was good :) Since then Hilee's had a bit of a break, but I'll have to bring her back into work again soon... Got more comps coming up - I won't be free until late March x___x and THEN I'll be starting on eventing (hopefully!) which will be a nice change.. but won't really be a break :P

After my horsie week I had a sort of social week... Went to the movies on Tuesday to see Arthur and The Invisibles.. that was okay, tho crazy power outage meant we had to go hunting for a cinema :P ended up a Knox which was pretty good. :) Then on Thursday I found out that Pan's Labyrinth had come out, so we decided to see it, too.. And had an even more fun time (note the sarcasm :P) hunting for a cinema showing it.. We ended up in the city at Nova.. which was an okay cinema.. but nothing special :P And the movie was almost a disappointment for me.. Maybe I'm just too used to Hollywood things, but it just didn't really flow nicely for me and even as I was watching it I was asking myself "what's the story? how does this fit together?" It was a good concept.. and had some nice cinematography and direction... But the story was too straight, I guess.. Didn't make me think hard enough :P

Sooo.. I went and watched DejaVu at Croydon cinema yesterday night.. (saturday) .. haha.. well! That one made me think.. a lot :P Aaand I really enjoyed it.. would definitely watch it again and recommend it to others. Awesome cinematography and flow as well as a really nice storyline. The main guy (whose name escapes me :P) did an EXCELLENT job.. and he actually adds a lot of humour to what could have been a really heavy, serious role. He has a stack of WTF moments.. lol. :D So yeah, good movie.. And Croydon Cinamas are really nice!! I'm really impressed! I'll definitely go to them again.. Reading are still my favourite, but I think I like Croydon better than Eastland.. at least, I definitely feel that Cinema 1 at Croydon is comparable.

Hmm.. I also went to a baptism today and met up with all the relos :) and yesterday had a going away party for Bethea/ Birthday party for Josh.. (the really nice guy that apparently has a thing for me.. except he's 27... x___x . ugh! so not fair :P) But yeah, Bethea's heading off on Tuesday.. So I'll get the top floor back to myself again... It'll be a bit sad not having her around, but it pretty much coincides with my return to school, so I think I'll have enough to distract me from her absence :P

Finally I've got Surf Moot (a rover event) coming up this weekend which will be really crazy and fun.. The only thing that's got me sort of worried is that the entire thing seems sort of like an excuse to party, get drunk and fuck whoever you like.. And while the party bit sounds good to me.. I'm not really sure about the fucking thing :P The problem is that I know I'll get horny, I know all the guys will be all over me (I'll be one of the youngest, skinninest girls there.. I know it for a fact because the majority of Rover chicks are sorta butch :P) which will be sorta tempting.. so.. argh. It's like half of me says it's bad to sleep around while the other half is asking _why_ is it bad.. ? The only good reason I've got at the moment is that I'm sure I'll regret it afterwards if I let myself get used like that.. :P And that's holding pretty strong for me at the mo.. So more than likely I'll just go crazy and party lots but only drink a little and lock my tent at nights.. to stop others from getting in and to make sure I don't decide it's a good thing to go out. :P

Funny funny world. I'm sure I have a split personality or something :P Originally I wanted Bam to go to this thing so that I could have fun without doing anything stupid.. but that's sort of not an option anymore. Not that we've actually broken up yet.. Just that tonight would be our five month anniversary... and I haven't seen him since the third. :(

Haha.. thinking about that makes me unhappy... I need a hug :( Oh well.. I'll think about something else soon and that'll cheer me up :P Yay for the goldfish mentality.. I can't even remember something long enough to feel properly sad about it.

I'm gonna go hit something.

dances

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 04:54:46 GMT

I think the Pill makes me really moody.. like seriously moody... *hrum* maybe I'll quit it.. :(

Anyways, I'm in a happy mood at the moment.. lol :P I've just had a HUGELY busy week.. but it'll be over after tomorrow, so YAY! and then on Monday I'm going to apply for a job at a coffee shop/deli place.. so pray for me to get that :) woo..

I really, really want money.. Being around my sister has done that to me, because I notice how social and active she is, and it makes me want to be the same. Also I'd like to start working and get a bit more independant.. I want to save up for a better car, for a trip to NZ (and then maybe America or something the year after to see Bethea once I'm 21) and yeah! Just lots of things I want and want to do.. And at the moment I really can't :P

For example I was gonna head out to the beach this afternoon with my sister (Stimps, yeah I was gonna invite you tooo ^^) However we would have been out late-ish which would have meant I'd need to buy dinner... and I just can't afford to spend money on food anymore :( I think if I just have something coming in each week then I'll be able to spend money on that sort of thing without having to worry about trying to pay for petrol next time or whatever..

So yay for money! (damn that was a long paragraph about nothing :P)

All my sister's friends are trying to set me up with Josh now :P It's sorta funny.. Apparently he really does like me, which is nice :) But I don't have a whole lot of interest in him as anything other than a friend... So I'm not gonna rush into it this time like I did with Bam. I think I'd rather wait until I found someone I was really attracted to and move on from there... Unfortunately, tho, I have a habit of being attracted to guys that already have girlfriends.. which sucks :P ALERT TO ALL GUYS! BE SINGLE FOR MEEE!! :P haha.. poor guys :P Anyway, in my happy mood that I'm feeling right now I'm not really worried about whether I'm single or not.. I'm sure I'll feel differently tomorrow when I see my sister smooching her bf or something.. but for now I'm right :P

Well, I'd better vanish and prepare for my horsie thing tomorrow.. If anyone feels like being supportive (and don't worry, I really don't think you want to :P) it's at Upper Yarra Pony Club (in Warburton) and I'm riding at 9:30 and 10:40 :) (I have it written on a bit of paper next to me...) so yeah! Goodluck to me! Lol.. I really don't know how I'll be tomorrow... my arse is killing me from all this riding :P and I'll be up against the best competition in my zone tomorrow.. in a field that isn't really my strongest.. :( But I've been told to have faith and all that.. so I guess I will :P

blah blah

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:26:33 GMT

everyone seems pretty quiet on LJ as of late... so I'm going to do a big WAKEUP post...

no, not really :P but i'm going to do my normal boring post, anyway :P

seems my life is as mucked up as always.. i'm busy with horse showing stuff yet i'm also meant to be getting a job.. so I dropped off some resumes and that sort of stuff the other day.. I don't think anything will come of it just yet, but maybe they'll be helpful in the future.. Actually, the one place where I *know* they're wanting to hire people is being totally frustrating as I've been told to speak to the manager (who is a friend of a friend, blah blah blah) but I can't get HOLD of the manager.. and they won't ring me back..

so yeah, very annoying!

as for other aspects of my life.. well.. I'm sick of thinking about boyfriends. I'm really, really sick of it. Yes, I want a boyfriend! Yes, it would be so easy if Bam would just take me back. But maybe that relationship would sorta suck.. I mean, by the last weeks of the relationship it was like he wasn't even interested in talking to me anymore... That would sorta suck, getting that again... So, I then ask myself: what am I wanting from a relationship if I'm willing to be with a guy that didn't even talk to me? I guess just the hugs and attention... So, it turns out one of my sister's friends is pretty interested in me.. should I aim to go out with him? Or will it just turn into another crappy relationship like the last one did.. leaving me hung up and moody for a month after. Oh, and I still have dreams about Bam. Damn it drives me nuts. x____x

URGH!

I need a new life.. this one's too complicated :P I think it's even more confused than before I went out with Bam.. 'cos now I have the fear of what comes _after_ the relationship.. :P It was nice when I was able to just do things blindly.. plus i'm sure that *I* did something wrong with the relationship with Bam.. but I don't know what it was.. so now I'm scared of doing it again....

anyways, my lovelife is stupid, I know. Someone get me a virbrator.. lol :P Haha... i'm so not an innocent anymore.. but at least I didn't sleep with anyone on NYE.. I was a good girl .. just.. I didn't even kiss... I've got standards.. and I don't wanna become a slut.. it'd be easy, tho.. and that really worries me.. :( I don't wanna be that sorta person. I've gotta have morals, and standards.. and blah blah :P

Anyways, as for other news.. I had a horse comp yesterday which was alright.. a bit of a let down, I guess, because I'd been hoping to do really well.. and I didn't really get anywhere at all :( I've got more comps coming up this week - something on wednesday and then again on sunday.. so hopefully they'll do a little better.. I'm not sure, tho.. I've sorta ran out of enthusiasm for it :P And knowing I've got more coming up doesn't really get me that excited :P

As for school... well, I guess I'll be going back there in about three weeks.. so farewell my wondrous holidays.. soon I will need to study once more and find a job :P

Actually, I'm pretty happy to go back to school again - I really like the people in my class ^^ Haven't had a chance to really catch up with them during the holidays, tho :(

enough blah blah from me..... comment if ya can be bothered. lol

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 09:56:10 GMT

wheeee...

just a BIG POST to saaaay....

HAAAAAAPPPPPYYYYY NEEEEWWWWW YEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May all your wishes come true! and mine too :P

i got a goal!!! woooo!!!

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 10:04:08 GMT

:P

yay for me getting a goal at looooong last... we still lost the match.. but HEY I got a GOAL :D yeah.. exciting stuff :P Actually, it was a really crap game.. because we were pretty evenly matched with the other team (despite having one less player and ZERO subs..ie everyone was playing, nonstop, no rest) and even beating them at times.. and then everyone suddenly crashed and got reeeally tired (at about the 3/4 mark) and after that we sorta lost by five goals.. x___x

HOWEVER.. one of those goals we DIDN'T lose by.. was MINE :D

if that all makes sense :P I'm sorta tired right now and my concentration = zero :P I was up early (5am) and at the beach yesterday morning, then had a barbecue yesterday night and ended up at FastBreak (aka Ringwood Pool Hall) until pretty late.. then this morning had to get up fo a riding lesson, and ANOTHER barbecue.. and then went and played soccer..

so yeaaah. me = tired :P

however it's all been pretty fun.. was going to go out to the carols by candlelight tonight.. but I'm too tired for that :P And I'll prolly stay at home tomorrow night, too, since Bethea's going to the Robbie concert. .(ugh) so she won't be trying to drag me out anywhere :P

fun funnn

YAY FOR JAY FINDING HIS WALLET!! :P