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Apr. 15th, 2009 | 11:49 am
mood: calmcalm

Wow this has been a while O_O

*blows off the dust*

Maybe I'll try and remember to post things this time 'round..........

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A future...

Aug. 26th, 2007 | 08:00 pm

I have a headache, I accidentally missed soccer today, Pony Club was cancelled due to this "Equine Flu", which has caused massive inconvenience to everyone in the horse industry, and I'm tired.

But, I just wanted to post a comment about my future.

Currently, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to be doing with the rest of my life. I'm in the last year of my course, and really thinking it's about time I became independent. I've been arguing with my Dad a fair bit, too, which doesn't help. Mainly, though, I just want money. I'm totally fed up with being dependent on everyone around me. Actually, I hate it. Every time anyone offers to pay for me, or I have to ask my parents for money, I immediately feel depressed and worried, because that's one more debt I owe and one more link in these chains.

But I'm being negative. I have a headache. You understand :P

So, as to my future, I've spoken to Madman. I'm finishing up my industry project with them now - check out www.leapfrog.com.au - and will continue on as a work experience student for one day every week or two weeks, but I've made it clear that once I finish school I'll be looking for fulltime work. Hopefully, they'll offer me something ^^

Otherwise, I've been offered a short stint doing some magazine/book layout work which I'm going to take up. Hopefully that will bring me some offers as well.

I'm still considering going back to school next year and completing a bachelor in Multimedia or Design, however as much as I love learning, I really need some money in the bank. All the savings I'd managed to build up have gone into this course, and I'm really feeling it now. I want to go travelling, I want to SEE things, but at the moment I feel guilty buying a bottle of shampoo... Spending money on a trip would be totally selfish of me.

Other things I have to consider are that I'll need to get a new car pretty soon - Chip's on its last legs - and then I'll have to pay up all the insurance and everything. Also as soon as I start getting some money coming in I really will need to start putting something towards paying for Hilee's keep, and even paying board for myself. I've been working another horse and taking up every job offered to me in the hope that it might make me feel a little better about myself... But without much success.

One of the main things, though, is that I've almost come to despise people who spend money easily. In class the teacher talked about everyone putting $50 towards our end of year exhibition. When I pointed out that that would be impossible for me, one of the guys said something about saving $2 a week until the end of the year...

I nearly cried. I don't have ANY income. I don't have $2 to put aside. I don't have 20c to put aside. None of my money is my own. If I do an odd job and get money for it, I use that to buy petrol for my car so that I don't have to ask my parents for money. If I find $1 lying on the ground, I'll either try to find its owner or spend it on a train ticket.

I spend nothing on myself. I spend nothing on other people. Everything just goes towards my survival - my transport. So when people offer to pay for me to do something "fun" or to give me something... I almost hate them for it. If they have money to spare they can put it towards my car. Or my phone bill. Or my course fees. Or maybe even that bottle of shampoo.

Because none of my money will ever be mine to spend. Not until all my debts are paid, and I can call myself truly independent.

heh.. this wasn't meant to be long and dramatic. I just wanted to talk about the job offers. But I've had all these money things going round and round in my head so much lately that I just about want to scream.

And don't pity me. I don't want sad looks and offers of more money I'll never be able to pay back. I just want some freedom. I'm determined to find that one day.
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I think something was punishing me for leaving things to the last minute...

Jul. 27th, 2007 | 09:34 pm
mood: sleepysleepy

So.. where do I begin?

Well.. Last Thursday, or there abouts, I decided to finally get stuck into the assignment that was due today. Typically I've had a few months to work on it but decided to leave it to the last minute... So yeah, the last week has been a total stress for me trying to finish everything.

It doesn't help though, that the following decided to occur exactly during that week:

1) I flattened my car battery, ringing mum to help me and getting her to wait for me at the carpark
2) My phone crashes, meaning I miss my mum's calls to say she's waiting at the car for me
3) On running to the car after discovering my phone died my bag manages to tear completely in half, spilling everything (And I had a LOT of crap in my bag) onto the platform just as evertone's getting off the train
4) Mum had lost patience and left my car, meaning that it was still flat and there was no way she was going to come back to help me
5) I had to flag down a random stranger... He and his family were nice enough to jumpstart Chip, after some sorta-scary sparking moments and me nearly bursting into tears x____x
6) I get home to learn that my computer really is dead and the only option is to reinstall everything

...

On top of this I also had adult riding club sat morning, setup for a pony club comp that afternoon and then the actual comp the day after where I was riding two horses and feeling totally stressed out because I didn't have enough time to do justice to either of them. Consequently I got pretty crappy scores and wasn't very happy with myself.

So then comes Monday. Finally, some free time to sit down and do my project.... Except that I have to reinstall all teh applications for my comp first.. which means finding all of the installers.. x___x

Somewhere in the middle of trying to do all that, around midday, I get a phone call from a guy saying he has a delivery on the back of his truck for my dad, and is waiting by the front gate. Me being sorta stressed out I just tell him to bring his truck up to the house and deliver it. Next thing I see is this HUUUUUUGE truck coming up our driveway. Running outside in an attempt to tell him where to park so that he might, possibly, have a hope of turning around, he helpfully goes and parks himself in a nice pile of mud. And gets stuck.

So now I have a computer in need of getting all its software reinstalled; a MAJOR project due in a few days; and a massive truck stuck in the garden.

Great. Perfect. Can I just go and shoot someone, please pretty please?

Anyway, I went outside and entertained myself for the next few hours with trying to help get this guys truck out, eventually just sitting and enjoying a nice long uncomfortable silence with him while we waited for my mum or his friend or ANYONE to come along and try help....

In the end he didn't get the truck out until after 7 that night - they had to bring in another big truck to pull him out.

So yeah, Monday wasted and I was left with Tuesday and Wednesday to finish the assignment.

Somehow, I succeeded, and handed it in today. I've had some nice late nights and am reeeally looking forwards to falling asleep before 12 tonight.

Anyway, I'll chuck a piccie down the bottom of my bottle...

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s p i r a l

Jul. 10th, 2007 | 10:46 pm




click the dot :)

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weddings and assignments and holidays.. and yeah.

Jul. 3rd, 2007 | 02:29 pm
location: hoooooooome
mood: peacefuli have wings! awesome :D

I've been pretty slack recently. I'm on holidays and, as usual, I set myself all these goals for things I wanted to learn and do (these holidays it was php & actionscript)... And, as usual (again) I've done a large amount of nothing. I started setting up apache, mysql and php on my comp but sort of didn't finish it. And because I was only mucking about when I was installing everything I can't really remember what stage of the process I was up to or what I was meant to do. Woo. My fault for thinking I could do something without going to the effort of studying and making sure I understood it in the first place :P

So what have I been doing... Well, I had my Grandparents and Auntie around last week for my cousin's wedding. I really don't like old people. Please, if I start to grow old and wrinkly and need to go to the toilet about a hundred times a day then would someone be kind enough to put me out of my misery? My bedroom's right beside the toilet, and usually I'm the only one who uses it, so constantly waking up in the night when they use it.. and later discovering puddles on the floor from when someone must have "missed" ... let's just say it doesn't make me happy :P I also lost my bathroom to them as well, which I hated. I haven't had to share in ages and it drove me up the wall how they would leave the wet shower mat in a mess on the floor. I hang it up on the shower... Is that really so hard to do? And they'd leave the light and fan on.... x_____x

Aren't I spoilt? :P

Anyway, the wedding itself was pretty good. Lots of in jokes and twists on the usual traditions. My cousin and her family are great - her mum, my Aunt Heather, is fun and heaps cooler than my mum :P - so the wedding was really nice and relaxed. I wore the pretty dress in my avvy and experiemented with makeup and my hair... Not too successfully, tho :P I'll never be a real girly girl :(

Since then my dad's been pushing me to edit and burn his camera footage, so that's slowly happening. I've learnt that you should never watch a video of yourself dancing... It totally kills whatever self confidence and pride you may have had. It's funny watching other people, tho... My sister's fiance did this funny John Travolta take off and my Uncle was pretty entertaining.

I didn't catch the bouquet, tho... so I guess I won't be finding anyone worth marrying (or even dating) anytime soon :P Actually, my other cousin (sister to the one who was married ... if you're still following me :P) caught it, which was really nice :) She got to do a dance with the guy who snagged Eryn's garter belt and wrapped it 'round his head. :D

Hummm.. As for other things... Madman's going great. Really great, actually. Technically I've been there a bit over a week now (all my one-days adding up together) even though I started there almost two months ago, so that's pretty funny. I think I've done a LOT more work than anyone else would in a week, though. However it helps that I get a fair break between days and am able to wind down and really focus when I get there. I'm getting invited to things now, too, which is fun :) They're having a HUGE Harry Potter screening (they've bought over a hundred seats) which one of the guys in my team is re-selling to raise funds for a short film he's making, so that's pretty cool. Plus they've asked me if I want to come in on fridays, since that's generally the "finish early, have alcohol and play games" day :P Unfortunately I think my new timetable means that I don't have friday's off anymore, but it's nice of them to invite me :)

I'm really glad I got the job there and had the courage to ask for work experience. It's one of the few things I've done that I'm actually, honestly, proud about. silly, huh?

Another great thing about working there (I can go on and on...) is that my boss is a bookworm :) so we've started a book swapping thing :D Probably not a good thing for me to get back into reading again, since I get addicted waaaay too easily, however he does have some good titles and it is nice to have "book" conversations again. I've missed them, Lia ^^

I've had a few things bothering me, recently.. I need to work out what to do for my final, MAJOR assignment within the next week. I'm currently thinking an interactive storybook would probably be best, since it would let me be as broad as I like, however, typically, now I'm stuck on what story to use. I'm tempted to just write something and go with that, however I worry that my writing won't be good enough, or I'll be too tempted to constantly change things... Maybe it's just that the word "MAJOR" is sorta intimidating, but this is really starting to stress me out.

Along with that I've got to work out an "industry" project to do... which can really be anything, so long as I have a real client and am going to have real feedback from someone professional. Honestly I'm not even thinking about that at the moment, though I guess I'll have to soon. I was sort of hoping that my hours of work experience with madman could replace the whole project.... but I doubt my teachers will accept that, especially since I organised the work experience for myself with no original intention of using it for credits.

Hrummmmm... Too much to think about. I'm a simple creature, give me a warm day, a friendly horse, a decent lunch.. and I'll be happy. You can substitute "friendly horse" for "music" or "novel" or "movie"... and "day" could also be "fire" .... I like fire :) And yeah, any longer and this will ramble into a total, waffling mess... So I suppose I'd better end it there :P

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shleeeepy..

Jun. 10th, 2007 | 09:39 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
music: Nickelback || If Everyone Cared

I haven't updated in aaages... hmm.. where to start?

well, I'm sleepy.. so I guess I'll make this short :P

Hilee and I have been to a few comps recently.. she seems to be getting over her issues.. maybe. We did no worse than firsts and seconds.. so I guess that's good :)

I have photos of us.. if I can be bothered uploading them I'll share :P

Hm. School's getting pretty crazy. I'm sorta sick of it and ready for the holidays.. but before that time can come I've got about three assignments I've really got to sit down and _do_ .. but .. argh.. no energy :P

I've been conned into playing soccer again.. although after tonight I'm not sure if I'll be able to for a while :P I did something weird to my thigh.. it sorta went *pop* .. then the next time I tried to kick the ball I yelled "FUCK!" reaaaally loud.. x_____x not supposed to swear at soccer.. and I wouldn't normally anyway :P What made it even worse was that there was a guy right next to me, and he was so apologetic! He thought he must have hurt me.. aww.. hehe, I did ecplain to him, though, that it was just me and my stupid clumsiness :P

Anyway, now my leg hurts.. though it's feeling better now.. but I really don't want to injure it again :P

Humm.. Madman is going well :) I've got this Monday off because of a public holiday, but otherwise I've been going there for a month now. I can't see them telling me to stop anytime soon, either, which is good :) Although that could just be due to the fact that I wouldn't let them say anything of the sort :P Either way my boss is being really nice and even letting me go across and try things in different apartments (currently I'm working as a "production designer" for the bed development team) which is nice of him since in the interview I was going on and on about how web is my passion and my life and.. blah blah.. and now I'm turning around and wanting to do heaps of non-web related things :P

It's all pretty fun, though. Everyone in the room where I work is really nice to me, and even include me in their conversations and all that... It's really hard to be talkative - everyone seems so busy, and I don't want to interrupt.. so it's nice when they start a conversation and then bring me into it :)

Lunch times are fun.. I've been waiting to have a lonely lunch with no one to talk to.. but that hasn't happened yet :D I'm meeting people from other departments and talking to them, so it all works out pretty easy. Hardest thing is remembering peoples names... when you only meet a person once a week (or less!) it can be reeeeally hard :(

Anyway, I guess that's enough of an update from me.... Anyone going to Age's bday, give me a lift, k? Mum doesn't want me driving that far at night.. so that's a good enough excuse for me :D ..hehe, it's so funny.. I really am babied so much more than anyone else in my family.. mum isn't happy if I use the trains at night, or drive to far away places... makes me feel loved ^^ My sisters and brother didn't have any of that sort of care :P

wheee................ *runs away to sleep*

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OMG! FREAKING OUT^100

May. 11th, 2007 | 04:57 pm

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

okay! So my person at Madman got back to me to say that he needed to reschedule due to friday meetings... so I got a little sad thinking he was putting me off or something... and now he's come back to me saying I can start on Monday. ie THIS MONDAY. Also known as TWO DAYS AWAY!!!

yeah, I'm totally freaking out. Lol...

However I'm starting to get beyond the freaking out to find my inner calm.. I think.. And I just want to start and get it happening. I really am excited. This whole year I've just felt so much more confident of my abilities, and I'm thinking I really want to get out and show people what I can do.

So yeah! Excited! Woo! and freaking out.. lol
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pics and stuffs and .. yeah :)

May. 5th, 2007 | 06:44 pm
mood: curiouswhy are there ? ? on my head!?

weeeeell.. I start at Madman on FRIDAY THE 18TH OF MAY... that's in.. two weeks. I think.

OMG I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh..heh... ... . . heh.

x___________x

well.. I guess I've gotta get over my nerves eventually.. but.. damn, I was totally freaking out for the interview... I was ready to stop and run in the opposite direction. Hell, I came out in a RASH!

and now I'm actually going to have to go in there and PROVE these skills I've apparently got... OMG I'm going to totally screw up everything, I just know it. The guy who's taking me on (and also interviewed me) Tom - he's really nice... but i'm still freaking out. haha.

AAAAnyway. I thought I'd chuck up the piccies from my B'day party, since the majority of you missed it :P Adam's cam took a nice pic of the icecream cake and I took a photo a few days later of the back of my car (with the rude finger I artistically rearranged into a birthday cake :P) and Phoenix, who seems to live with the hope that I'll eventually run her over.

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It's Raining for my Birthday :D

Apr. 21st, 2007 | 04:30 pm

I've decided I love the rain :) It makes it all cold and grey outside but you can snuggle up on the couch with a warm blanket and have a lovely time inside. Plus it also means the grass grows for my horsies, which is always a good thing :P

So. I'm 20. Wow. Haha.. I haven't felt my age for years, and I certainly don't feel 20.... 20 year olds are meant to be mature, sophisticated, employed(!) and with a long list of achievements o their name... I don't think that's me at all. I do feel older, though... I think back to myself when I was in highschool, or even first year TAFE, and think "God, I was so young and childish!" .. though more than likely i'll be doing the same thing in a few years and looking back at myself now :P Maybe it'll happen for the rest of my life...

Anyway, in other news.. I had a party last night at Adam's :) Age was there for a little bit, but then went to sleep and Stimpy arrived late due to work.. but in the end that was a good thing because otherwise we wouldn't have all fit in the one car to go out on a cake & movie hunt :) We found an icecream cake and lots of fun things to decorate it with as well as The Guardian and Gremlins 2. The Guardian was okay.. though I would have preferred a comedy :P And Gremlins 2 was obviously fantastic :D I managed to stay awake for everything and had lots of fun. :)

So yeah, I'd say the party was a success :D Tanya! You should've dropped in... we didn't leave until 3am.. lol I now have a book called "My GoldFish Wish" or something, which is all about "keeping my friend wet" and "how I'd love him so".. lol... total randomness :D and two candles, a "9" and a "2" because Adam picked them out at random :P I suppose they'll come in handy next time someone turns 29 .. or 92.

The other thing that happened today is that finally an order was placed for the dress I'll be wearing when I'm Liz's bridesmaid in September... So that was exciting :) It's a nice dress and a pretty colour.. though very much "evening wear" and I'm not really sure when I'd ever wear it again..... but oh well :P I took a piccie of it while I was in the changing room :D

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bored..

Apr. 17th, 2007 | 01:41 pm

I'm rarely bored.. but today I am. I guess it's because I can think of lots of stuff I'd like to be doing right now, but I know that in a bit I'll have to get Hilee and go stand for the farrier, so I can't really start anything..

School starts up again today.. woo :P It'll be nice to be back, but I really don't like this evening's class that much. It just seems so disorganised - I'm never sure what I should be doing. Hopefully this term it'll all start falling into place.

Hrumm.. Other news.. I've got a guy trying to pick me up at the moment. It's sorta fun - he sends me lots of text messages :P But I don't think anything will come of it. I really did rush into things with my ex - considering that I started the relationship because he was attracted to me, rather than it being mutual. I was just in shock that anyone would actually LIKE me.. lol. Anyway, I'm more prepared this time and am enjoying the flirting without feeling like I need to take it any further.

Anyway, all is fun in the life of Pauline :P

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